after the second terminal the teacher gave out the copies..that was the usual rule in my school..I got 90 in english..that had been my usual score..and Manju ma'am was happy with me as usual..I scrolled through the pages of my answersheet..taking delight in the effort that now bore fruits..
"wait.."..I said to myself..and then I recounted..it was 88 not 90..I didn't want to lose those two marks as my rival had got 89..and losing those two marks would mean ..getting defeated..(though it sounds funny now..it was a fircesome fight then..)
somehow I gathered all courage ..went to ma'am and told her that there was a counting mistake..
"Ma'am..it's 88 and not 90"
"let me check.."
ma'am added it up again..looked at me..then took the red pen in her hands..struck off the marks..and wrote 89..
"but M'a'am its..88"
m'am smiled back at me..and then addressed the whole class.."this girl came down to me to tell that she had been awarded more marks than she deserved..but I am giving her one extra mark for her honesty..does anyone have to say anything against it?
the whole class was silent..whether in applause or criticism..I can't say..
university,1st year..
"My brother's a good student like you..got in engineering at his first chance"..
I blushed at the compliment but trying to be humble..I said.."its nothing like that.."
the guy with my friend however didn't seem to enjoy the compliment..his eyes said he was plotting a taunt ahead..
"so why did you take literature?"
"wasn't good in maths..actually"
"how much did you get in maths in your 10th?"the other guy curiosly asked..
"around about 80"
"in 80..rite?"
"no..in 100"
they both laughed at me..I know it wasn't a good score..but laughing at someone for that wasn't done iether.."never mind" I said to myself.
that evening..the friend sent me a message..that the thing he liked or found noticeable about me was my honesty.
a month ago..
the results of a particular exam I had appeared for were published..they had us withheld for some particular reason..possibly under some suspect of fraud they could not prove. That I know is something they cannot prove..but I am up with my honesty against a powerful authority..what destiny they decide for me..is still to be seen..but I will fight..no matter what.
..and addressing everyone who have felt that terrible surge of honesty push through their veins..they must be knowing how I feel now..
right now..I am quite unsure of my future..and in-spite of having a fruitful student life..i am facing severe challenges in this deceitful corrupt world..making a place for myself..however..it's not on some divine authority that I rest my faith..I believe my honesty and trust myself..let that take me places..god or bad..hardly matters..for..I can still hear those lines from Eliot's The Dry Salvages ring in my ears..
"At nightfall, in the rigging and the aerial Is a voice descanting (though not to the ear, The murmuring shell of time, and not in any language) 'Fare forward, you who think that you are voyaging; You are not those who saw the harbour Receding, or those who will disembark, Here between the hither and the farther shore While time is withdrawn, consider the future And the past with an equal mind. At the moment which is not of action or inaction You can receive this: "on whatever sphere of being The mind of man may be intent At the time of death" - that is the one action (And the time of death is every moment) Which shall fructify in the lives of others: And do not think of the fruit of action. Fare forward." It's now I know why I took literature..............................
