SHINNING SOLES.

...the retired old prof. watched the poor old boot polish wala ...[aged somewhat about 60 or above]...everyday..from his well trimmed lawn..where he himself planted some of the best breed of magnolias...
.sitting there...just on the lane opposite to his two-storeyed home.was the ragged figure of d man whose fate had perhaps never shone like d boots he rubbed and bristled and polished...did his best to make them compete with the suns..

..the philanthropic prof felt sad over d aged man's fate..wrote a couple of poems ...got them published...expressed gratitude to the old nigger for his fame through media....

...but ..despite everything ...his sadness seemed to be aggravating with every single passing day...he now could hardly tolerate the pangs of the boot polish wala...n shed tears for him incessantly....
...once he thought of approaching him and asking if he felt sad over his own fate..and also to make him realise how much concerned he was about him.....the day came and he did as he thought...


...the poor old man had hardly time to look up and see whose d one asking polite questions rather than passing orders...
it was monsoon and the biiig named branded shoe companies were best exposed in this time of the year...
there were piles of shoes before him ...and he had to finish his assignment by dusk...

still..he was polite enough to reply to our very own professor...
so...he said..
"you see...babuji...u feel sad over my fate because u have time to...which i don't have.......
besides....
if u really care...
there's one sitting in the by-lane....a child who polishes boots......i guess it will help more if you care for him than me...just make sure you convert your concerns into actions...not words"

EMPTILY FILLED.....

...I had once conceived of scribing a tale with a similar name..."emptily filled"....but ...as usual..it never happened...so...its all the more beautiful...a conception that vanquishes the admiration of the recipient by allowing no incite is more dearer to the artist ...for the artist enjoys the pleasure of having hidden a beauty that resides within her...and that many crave for.....





.....why emptiness??
....because its the most beautiful...what is simplicity if not the void of the avoidable??why's the tomb of the dead so elusive...because its doubly empty.!!!..a semicircle...an attempt of fulfillment[circle]that has never craved for completion...and one that celebrates the absence of a being that once made sense.... !!!why is every girl so proud of her womb[no matter if she has ever experimented with this potential of hers]...because she has a void....fortunately..or unfortunately...this void is capable of creating...and to be honest...most voids are...infact all voids are...what's nearer the truth is...that only voids are capable of creating....


...its the greatest potential...for its nothing but potential....!!!!



..its a journey you are destined for ...alone...and whether you cower to destiny..or defy it...its the same chosen spot you'll reach...better...all will reach....if you have loved this void...you will love it..the beckoning...the sojourn...the effacingly elusive search....if you are trying to create meaning...you will be disillusioned ...for there's actually no meaning anywhere else...except deep in the heart of void....

...I never knew or studied about stuffs like spirituality...have a great respect for people who attained a lot in that field particularly...but am not sure of what they have actually attained...i have my own brand of spirituality....it's nothing more than the beyond theory....



.....i believe i have realised my spirit when i can feel empty ..yet so whole..in the midst of a heartless crowd...can go drowned in emotionlessness...when drummed up by some loved one....with sticks that hit hard....when i sit quite...unperturbed...vain...yet can appreciate my indifferent as an auspiciously sumptuous display of the void....

...whenever i think of my GOD...i see this void....all i try is to search for is that lite...somewhere there...void is something that's beyond the mundane...and what's GOD if not something within the beyond???[but it could be beyond the beyond too..in that case..it would imply a double void....am i confusing you??...if its so....just close your eyes...don't think of anything....what do you see(yes i know you can't see while closing your eyes)......but i still believe that you can see..and what you see is void!!!]

...a thought ....

Recently...a friend criticized me of duplicity....in my writings..[.you can call that hypocrisy...for i just used the safer term]....why??...because...my poetic self and my real self are divorced ...and flash contradictorily....Well...Well!!....criticism...i believe...is central to objective n corrective understanding...and so i went back...that i can come forth with better comprehension...


.......and what did i realize???

.......now...those of you who write and write seriously....think!!!...the poetic process is a complicated process that goes on ...inside you...to me...it's a two way process...about transmutation and transformation...{don't be mistaken to think that i am expounding some new theory...i am just couching known thoughts in the garb of my language,it's Eliotian...but then...even Eliot borrowed!!!}....TRANSMUTATION..of the self...it's thoughts,sensations in relations to the other into a reality richer[at least to the poet]than any other form of reality.....and TRANSFORMATION....of this transmuted subject into an object that transcends your immediateness and afford a connection with your richer self.NOW...HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME AND MY WORK TO BE THE ONE AND SAME??


......bESIDES...WHY DO YOU THINK THE POET IS HAPPIER[THOUGH NOT IN THE CONVENTIONAL SENSE OF THE TERM]THAN THE OTHERS AROUND HIM??

...Because...she leads two lives...one as she is ...as a social entity...another...as a poet...OUR GLOBE IS TOOOOO BIIG...SO..WE DECIDED TO HALF IT INTO NORTH AND SOUTH POLES...A PERSON WHO HAS REALIZED THE INTENSITY OF ONE'S BEING...NEEDS TO SEPARATE IDENTITIES ..SO AS TO HELP THEM FUNCTION PROPERLY...it's what you understand by specialization in Commercial terms....each self performing a specific function...a conglomeration..then..would lead to chaos...chaotic...devoid of creative potential....
...Ever thought why you can't see the sky as a whole??...obviously what a silly question!!!...if you have guts enough to go through my gibberish ideas...you have had sense enough to have it out quite early in life!!...why...and how dare..then..you stereotype a person..and brand some facets of his or her as conventional or different???....you are just viewing a part of the whole...and just because the sky's sunny here...doesn't mean it's cloudy nowhere!!!....An individual is a chasm so fissures are inevitable...but therein lies the potential...of forming deeper gorges...cutting new ravines...that which flows under unfathomable depths is as true as the scum on the apparently shallow surface....

IF MY VIEW OF LIFE and POETRY seems conventional and stereotypical to you....BINGOO!!!...you make a good observer...what i would like to ask is??....how different can difference be???.....how conventional is conventionality???...and we return back to the same precept....there's nothing as such...no demarcations....it's the superficiality of one's vision that allows one to see in those terms[mind you am talking about persons...so plzz don't raise unnecessary debates!!]I have just used my scavengingly parasitic skills to draw nutrition from each thinkable theory...and made a bitter tonic out of it to cure me of allegations....Individuality...one may feel...is something you possess after you have known what generality is..experienced it...in particular....as an individual....a "FARE FORWARD"....philosophy..is what follows...a philosophy....that I always find applicable...almost everywhere!!!

carried,uncared boundaries....
demarcating empty spaces...
of tubular experiences....
in the midst of a void...
all focusin into the centreless ...radiusless diameters....


unventured partnerships...
of disjointed stocks...
all fresh and geeky...
reeking with the blood of feud....
damages unfulfilled....
in a world of liabilities...
nothing is but an asset.


untempered studiousness of paperback...
better call them papermaches...
untampered texts of unrealized dreams...
in classrooms ...mechanical...
unoriented undiagonised desires....
lost in big amounts will be the faces ...
...that are now floating in seas of futile words...
only figures matter....
matter too is rendered futile.


what to see?
where to go?
can't one archaelogize the system???

...now...how do you see her??....is she the source of light in the darkness...or the cause of the shade behind her??

As a student of Literature..everybody around me says that i have many job options...some often thrust their own desires on me..they say...you can write well..."well..well"...what they don't seem to know or at least don't want to is...they are thrusting their own desires on me...living their fantasies through my life..."a burden far-fetched..multi-levelled"...i am having this terrible dilemma since quite a few days...What do i do with my life??...it's difficult ...terribly difficult to realize your true potential when people around you tell you what you are capable of....not because you think they are wrong...but because you think you are to be trapped in the same conventional web..of thinking in terms of right and wrong..and what you desire most ..is to go beyond.It's easy to be right when the society is wrong...but tremendously difficult to be right when they too are right..."when to be deviant is the desire...to think differently is the aim"....but the fallacy lies in the fact that similarizing sameness is often unique...different as you would like to call it...


.....what is more difficult is when you have already considered yourself unique...how to be unique...and then you get trapped in your own uniqueness...those who think they are special...beyond the normative are often enmeshed in their own "beyond-ity".Life's too hard sweat-heart...there's the same pit-fall almost everywhere...

What do we do then...listen to THE ALCHEMIST author ...follow your dreams??is he practical enough??....or flow with time??...
.......
.........
.......
You must be wondering why i raised the job question...well..that's because..trust me...i am at crossroads...of Life....as you are...may be...you just didn't realize!!!

I really don't expect you to answer my questions..i know that you don't know and if you thought that i knew..you know not that i never knew...still...i need to offer you a consolation..so that you don't feel bewildered..and visit my blog again...though modern trends have already proved the contrary...ah!!...what was i talking about??...i remember..."consolation"...great word..isn't it?


....."Fare forward"....that's my consolation....yes..you guessed it right...!!it's Bhagwad Gita...i can only follow what i feel to be righteous(mind you..it may not be right!)...and just be a patient in the hospital of life...

...if you thought i am preaching...i am not...i have better things to do...but then..you always have the option of thinking again!!!

...Now...think it out for yourself...is this a consolation??....or just a mere philosophy??.....by the way....who said that each one of us has the power to turn a consolation into the philosophy of a life lived??

Dont you too think that blogging is like writing in void.....you just wait out there for someone to come and see...have a look at your nonsense and appreciate your unreality....and dont tell me that you dont think that,or else you wouldn't have blogged....you think you can write like me...off course...and you wish to show it off....but you know what???...i can't write.

i think i can but i know i can't....

someone once asked me to preserve my poems...no...a good many told me so....why?may i know??
...are emotions..feelings n ideas stored...no,they are always in flux...what's your poetry if not that!let it go...if it comes back to you when you are all alone and scared to face the world with your jabber....then you know your poetry's still alive!

and just look at me(which i know you can't...i don't have a pic of mine here)...i am trying to persuade you not to do what i myself am doing at this very present moment...writin ...attempting to make sense...or nonsense??...and if its this dialectis of contrary possibilities that conflicts your mind....why not express it through writing?

पथरीले रास्तें

कशमकश की ज़िंदग़ी में काश लेने की फ़ुरसत नहीं
जिन बाजुओं ने बनाई थी कभी बेजोड़ जंजीरे,
जंजीरों में लिपट कर आज उनमें ताकत नहीं,
औरों के लिए धड़कते हुए थक गयी है धड़कन,
ख़ुदा के जहाँ में खुद ही की कीमत नहीं,
पर बेड़ियों को तोड़कर जो निकल चुके हैं तारों तक
शक है मुझे के उन्हें भी राहत नहीं।

नमाज़ों में,अज़ानो में ,मन्नतों में बंधी ज़िंदगी,
सही और गलत की तान पे सधी ज़िंदगी,
आँसू,लहू,से लथपथ चला है जो इंसान
बहारों के चाव से उसे हो सकती मोहब्बत नहीं।

चिर-फार चुकी है दुनिया जिसका कलेजा,
उसने तो चित्रों को ही दौलतों सा सहेजा,
मंझधार में तूफ़ान से लड़ते माझी से पूछो
सैलाबों से प्यार है जिसे,उसे साहिल की आदत नहीं।

ना मिलें मंज़िलें तो गम क्या है
जो टिके ना आख़िरी दम तक वो शिद्दत नहीं,
पथ्रिलें जंजीरों को तोडती हुई बाज़ुएँ,
खुद टूट कर बिखर ना जाये तो उनमें हिम्मत नहीं,
है गर कशमकश में फसे रहना ज़िंदगी
मौत की बाहों में बांध नव्जों से पूछो,
क्या उन्हें भी दर्द की चाहत नहीं?
है यकीं मुझे की उन्हें भी राहत नहीं।